I Hate High School Couples and You Should Too

“Oh my God I have like the best boyfriend ever! He’s so romantic!”
Who. The Hell. Cares? Stop bragging about your boyfriend, you both are so irrelevant. What? You think you’re something special because he took you to Denny’s and you guys saw a movie? Sweetie, that is not romance, he is just trying to get you in bed by the end of the day. Did he show up to your house with a box of chocolate and a rose? How cliché! First of all, he got the gross chocolate from Wal-Mart and he ate half the box anyway, then he picked the rose from some random old lady’s garden. He put minimal thought into this. And honestly, if you are going to buy into his crap you can at least keep it to yourself; there is nothing more frustrating than trying to get to class and having to walk slowly behind two idiots trying to cuddle and walk at the same time. You look ridiculous. By the way, I hope you realize all your friends hate him too; they think he’s a douche. They are right to think this. You wouldn’t notice, though, because you’re too busy thinking you’re in love. You girls really need to calm the hell down. No, you don’t need a boyfriend, what you need is to do your damn homework. So does he. I know he’s failing at least three classes because he’s too busy flirting with you (and your best friend when you’re not paying attention). But that’s none of my business. *Sips tea* Bye, loser. Happy Valentine’s Day!