What is routine? A routine can be easily expressed as completing actions without consciously knowing it, because you’ve done it a million times before. 11:02am, exit science building, go downstairs. 11:20am, eat a sandwich. 11:32am walk upstairs to the next class. Exit, downstairs, sandwich, upstairs, next class. Exit, downstairs, sandwich, upstairs, next class. Exit, downstairs, sandwich, upstairs, next class. Exit, downstairs, sandwich, dead bird. Dead bird?? How out of routine, you say to yourself. How sad. How odd. How strange. How strange to see the fat corpse of a headless bird.
I felt a hurricane of questions fill every nook in my brain– not to mention the fact that I was using my brain, which was also out of routine. Where could this bird have been headed, to have become beheaded? One can only imagine and solve, solve and imagine. I pulled out a cigarette to help manifest the mystery, only I didn’t, because I am both on campus and a minor.
Upon closer inspection, the feathers can be seen as puffed, plucked, and gross, indicating the victim was stressed, in defense mode, and in desperate need of a bird bath when last alive. The likelihood of this case being ruled a suicide, was, questionable. Indeed, she could have fell from the floor above and snapped her neck, indeed she could have. But, where, I ask you, where is the head?! Perhaps the other pests ate it.
The others! Yes, the victim was killed in a gang attack, I’ve decided. He just wasn’t like the other pigeons. He was fatter, so must’ve hogged all the leftovers, that is what set them off. But, could a pigeon really be a murderer? Yes, I believe so. I believe my poor, headless friend was in the wrong place at the wrong time, took the wrong birds lunch, and certainly paid for it. Oh man, did he truly truly pay for it. This bird has flown out of existence, and now his goose is cooked. Fly away headless homie, fly away.
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